Venn diagramming sport and romance
Is there an overlap?
Absolutely! Sport and romance snuggle up together with respect to certain concepts, language and emotion. Both require persistence, stamina, and a degree of cunning…
Consider a couple…(ha)
Cupid
One concept meaningful to love and to games is Cupid, who, according to classical mythology, is the god of love, desire, and attraction. Note that Cupid is not portrayed as a classical priest, trader, or farmer. Rather, he is that most sporting of individuals – an archer.
Cupid doesn’t walk up and shake hands with the person who is about to become the object of someone’s affections. Rather, he pierces his or her defenses with his arrow.
Contests
Cupid, a god, utilized his sport as matchmaker.
In their own fashion, kings used athletics and other games to select suitors for their daughters. They typically asked the candidates to complete some athletic task – win a foot race, kill a monstrous lion, or yoke a lion and wild boar to a wagon.
Of course, competition for sweethearts has always propelled history. Starting with the classics, Helen of Troy - she of the face that launched a thousand ships - leaves her husband Menelaus for Paris, prompting the Trojan Wars, a competition if ever there was one.
The 1940 movie The Philadelphia Story features a battle between Cary Grant and James Stewart for the heart of Katherine Hepburn. And in The Apartment (1960), Jack Lemmon wins Shirley MacLaine away from Fred MacMurray.
Games and competitions – all.
Preparation
Prepping oneself is a vital component of playing to win – either a love affair or a squash tournament.
Regarding the love affair, the person takes pains with hair, face, body, and garments in order to build irresistibility.
Regarding the game, the player builds irresistibility with lessons and strategy.
Language
Many romantic words and phrases are action-oriented. For example, people don’t sit down to love, they fall into it. And “falling in love” is often used to describe how people feel about sports.
Age-defying Athlete Gundun, 79, relates, “When all my kids were in school, a friend wanted to learn tennis and we took lessons at a community college. Hit balls against the wall of a Safeway store and fell in love with the game.”
Lifting a concept from ten pins, men and women often describe their situations as having been “bowled over” by a beau.
Men and women “win” the heart of their beloveds. (Again, competition…)
Emotion
Heartbreak (another language overlap) is commonly used to denote occurrences in the romantic realm (e.g., a failed relationship) as well as in the athletic (e.g., a miserable century ride).
Athletes who lose confidence in themselves often find it again with the help of a sweetie. Think of the movies Pat and Mike (1952) and Tin Cup (1996)
Many players are “thrilled” about encountering a new sweetheart as well as about winning a Masters Swim meet.
Playing games with a partner often draws on many of the elements of participating in a relationship. A recent Psychology Today article on pickleball points out a couple of relevant factors:
· “Just as players learn the court dimensions, net heights, and rules, couples benefit from understanding relationship dynamics like finances, schedules, and shared responsibilities.”
· “By playing pickleball, couples cultivate teamwork, understanding, and resilience—key elements for lasting partnerships.”
Strategy
A game plan is critical to athletic success. For example, figuring out competitors’ weaknesses and how to play to one’s strength are vital for everything from soccer to ping-pong.
A game plan is also critical to romantic success. If there are competitive suitors, their weaknesses should be exploited just as they would be in a soccer match. For example, in the 1942 Casablanca, which of Bogie’s weaknesses did Paul Heinreid factor in to retain Ingrid Bergman’s loyalty?
And what about one’s own strengths? Are there shared interests, experiences, backgrounds? Should one be direct (akin to going for the pin) or play more conservatively (akin to awaiting just the perfect moment for a pickleball poach)? With respect to all these questions, what did Elaine do in The Graduate (1967) in order to wrest Benjamin away from her Mother?
ADAP
Members of the Age-defying Athletes Project (ADAP) community experience the Venn overlap of sport and love. Here are a few examples from The Elixir of Sport:
Borden
When interviewed, Borden was a 71-year-old retired electronics company executive in the Midwest. Even though he took up golf in his late 20s, “I didn’t think of golf as a sport.”
But, as he revealed in his story, he had met a woman who would become his wife, and says that “We dated. She was avid [about the game]. So what the heck?”
Borden continued with this love story – love for a woman and love for a game: “I went to the driving range with her, using old clubs.” She also took him to par three courses.
“I was hooked after the first summer…by the second summer, I started lessons and joined a country club.”
Golf eventually overtook some pre-existing athletic passions. “At the time,” Borden recalled, “I played basketball, baseball, and was at the height of my tennis playing.”
Sports were “a major theme in my life. Baseball, basketball from young age, influenced by my Dad. Starting in junior high, played tennis through my 20s. Picked up tennis again in my 50 and 60s. No college sports, only intramurals.
“I bowled 10 to 15 years when it was popular and achieved a certain level of performance.”
His father had had ambitions for him to play at a high level, although not necessarily at a pro level.
“In high school, however, I realized that athletics were not my future.”
Nonetheless, he remained active in at least one sport for the rest of his life.
“I love watching high level sports, and want to play at a comfortable high level,” stated Borden. “I enjoy sport for enjoyment sake. I love playing sports, going to play is a privilege and [I] layer benefits on that. I will overcome barriers to play golf…it’s attractive and joyful.”
Given this intense athletic environment, it’s not surprising that Borden married an athletic woman. “My wife … came from a golfing family.”
He described her as “an incredible advocate and mentor for the game of golf. My biggest cheerleader in the exploration of [the game].”
Her support, Borden continued, was vastly important.
However, the golf gods can be capricious, and Borden encountered challenges with the links.
“The difficulty [with golf],” he noted at the time, “was getting to a level of performance I was satisfied with. The ball is just sitting there. I picked up sports quickly, but not golf. That was frustrating.
“I thought it wouldn’t be hard to become a scratch golfer,” he continued, “but the best I ever achieved was a nine handicap. Really thought I could be better. Commitment? Skill?”
Still, Borden pronounced golf a great game. “…can play entire life. Find joy in playing, great excuse to be socially active, walk through beautiful nature, so many interesting people.”
Borden had been playing twice a week, and his goal was “Today, have fun. If not [having] fun, missed the whole thing. Meet interesting people.”
Golf had also taught him humility. “I was a successful career person, but when I play golf, regardless of success in life, success is not guaranteed.”
This sport brings out a variety of love emotions in duffers.
Crandall
This linksman, 62, claims the game is a “wonderful pastime to be outside. One good hit and I feel great, ‘I’ve got this.’”
But (like many lovebirds), he has a love/hate relationship with the game.
He puts it like this: “Golf is more a believe sport than any other. Have to fall in love with it, but I don’t want to be too emotionally wound up by it. Golf is no longer my top priority. Achieve more in endurance sports such as running, swimming. The more I run, the better my time. But practicing more in golf doesn’t necessarily lead to dependable improvement.”
Sometimes, a sport is a tool for relationship enhancement.
Daisy
A tennis player in her 60s, Daisy talks about her learning curve: “It’s been good for my relationship with my husband, because now he and I have shared interests. This has grown as I have improved. When we started, I was so bad that it wasn’t much fun for him to play with me. But now we are more equal and can compete with each other.”
Wanda
Wanda, a 64-year-old golfer, describes the relationship between a sport and…well…a relationship thusly: “Good for marriage – developed bond. Golf offers time away, one-on-one time without distractions.”
Noelle
Noelle, 79, has this perspective: “I had retired and my husband and I were looking for something to do together. Then, when we moved to [another state], we settled in a golf community and thought that golf was the perfect thing to do together.”
WIIFY?
How to take advantage of the Venn diagram of romance and sport?
If you are currently in a relationship, take a cue from Daisy, Wanda, and Noelle. Rather than being a [fill in the blank: golf, tennis, pickleball, bicycling…] widow or widower, get up and give the sport a try. It’s just coffee, remember…but the relationship could benefit with a boost of something new.
If you are not currently in a relationship, note that athletics is rich with opportunities to meet others. As noted in The Elixir of Sport, camaraderie is the largest driver into sport as well as the most significant benefit. For the most part, older adults lack comfortable matchmaking environments – except for sports, which provide numerous conversational fodder and other launchpads into who knows what?
It’s the Sweetie Season – get out there and play!